The mid-point of May has come and gone, and we're now a full six weeks into the 2009 fantasy baseball season; approximately 25% of the way through. There are plenty of players who we drafted early and often, anticipating production, who are now largely contributing factors to our slumping in the standings. Now, it's far too early to call any of these guys 'busts', but Lord knows we've expressed our disappointment in a fit or outrageous profanity at least once this season, if we own them, for either not living up to the numbers we expected given where we drafted them, or in one case earning a fifty game suspension for taking a female fertility drug (allegedly). Thus, we've created the 2009 All-Early Disappointment Team. Let's take a closer look at who these &*@$#!%&$*#$! are on offense...

Got back on track last night with Stults falling an inning shy of the QS, but still going 5 strong to the tune or 3 earned with a K/9 of 9 even. Compared to what we've seen this week, that start was not only welcome, but helped out every single ratio. Would have liked to get at least one of a QS or a W, but it wasn't in the cards. That's what Cook, Snell, and Geer are for today. But, to quote Mark McGwire, "I'm not here to talk about the past" so let's talk about tomorrow, and the three, count 'em, three Road starters who can help you reach the Promised Land...

Manny Parra (L), MIL (39% Owned) @ Todd Wellemeyer (R), STL

So because I am fighting such an uphill battle still this week, I've decided to roll some dice. Haven't taken this many guys at once in awhile, but I really, really like all three of these matchups and think we'll get at least two very solid gems here, and you know the old saying that two outta three ain't bad.

Aaron Cook (R), COL (26% Owned) @ Ian Snell (R), PIT (28% Owned)

Okay, so after a few days off trying to keep my actual career going in case this whole blog thing doesn't pan out, I'm back! We're fast approaching that ever so important weekend in H2H leagues, so it's important that we get these right, on top of righting the wrongs done to us by Luke Hochevar and Jon Garland this week. Fast and furiously, we saddle up and hold on for a wild ride...

Again, and this seems to be happening more and more to me lately, guys I really like are just over my cap. Brett Cecil (54% Owned) immediately comes to mind. Fear not, though, I've located at least one arm we can squeeze some production out of tomorrow.

Eric Stults (L), LAD (26% Owned) @ Chris Volstad (R), FLA

Today's lesson: Get an accountant. Turbo Tax is for suckers.

That's right. Unless you have the simplest taxes known to man and have no investments, dividends, interest, or anything other than your standard paycheck, pay the $100 or whatever the hell it costs you and just let the guy who went and got his degree in it to make sure everything is copacetic. Cause if you don't, you'll owe the IRS $1,200 and walk through the door at ten after five on a Monday afternoon pissed at the world. I feel like Adrian Beltre here. So, to summarize, if you want your taxes done correctly, get an accountant. If you want to know who the best option for spot starting tomorrow is, well, I'm your man. Just don't ask me to do your taxes...

A few guys I like who just miss the cut, including Jordan Zimmermann (58% Owned), and Ubaldo Jimenez (57% Owned). Luckily, I've found the proverbial diamond(s) in the rough, and it is.

Trevor Cahill (R), OAK (18% Owned) vs Luke Hochevar (R), KC (38% Owned)

As I type this I am sprawled out in my bed, unable to lift my head off the pillow due to the three piece band that seemingly begins playing each time I sit upright. I'm a trooper, though, and I feel I owe it to the dozen people who read this each day to do the damn thing. Like after the vulgar proposition I made to a nice young lady last night, tomorrow's picks will hit you like a slap in the face! Let's get right down to it...

Jon Garland (R), ARI (19% Owned) vs Bronson Arroyo (R), CIN

Alright, after a few days off, basking in the hot streak that I've established, and trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with my quarter century mid-life crisis (suggestions welcome, and no, I don't plan on living too long), I'm back with closing picks for Week 5. There's some risk due to how the guy has pitched lately,

Nick Blackburn (R), MIN (11% Owned) vs Erik Bedard (L), SEA
Now before you're overly critical, hear me out. I know that Blackburn hasn't been great this season, including an earlier 3.1 inning, 6 ER performance earlier this week. But, I'm still hanging onto this Home Ace thing that Nick was last season. He faced the M's once last season and notched a Quality Start, though Seattle got to him in his first start of '09.

Well, well, well. Save your thank yous. Yep, save 'em! It's all in a day's work, people. For those wondering about the self-back patting, it's a little thing called the Rockies/Padres game that took place yesterday evening. The tequila and Dos Equis had taken over my body, and I watched Aaron Cook and Josh Geer duel it out like Greg Maddux and Cy Young himself for 8 innings apiece, each surrendering just a lone run to the other squad. It was a thing of beauty. I shed a tear. Lime had squirted in my eye. I took another shot. Cook and Geer combined for 16.0 IP, 2 ER, 8  K, 10 H, 5 BB. Nary a Win between them, as they were both so spectacular, but a twosome of Quality Starts, and the San Diagons would eventually win the game in the 10th, because the standard 9 innings simply was not enough to contain spot starts of this magnitude.

That's right folks, the swag is back! And why shouldn't it be? Picking two pitchers facing each other, who have both been pretty terrible thus far, and all they do is stud it up, almost as if I beckoned it. In fact, I may have beckoned it without even knowing, the same way I beckon a Quality Start from Mr. Jon Garland today, who should keep the Friars in check just as Aaron Cook did anoche. Hopefully you had a ticket for that train, folks.

So, who is tomorrow's next Spot * On selection? I won't keep you holding your breath any longer. Bask in it with me...

Mike Pelfrey (R), NYM (46% Owned) vs Jamie Moyer (L), PHI

Since today is actually Cinco de Mayo, we'll stick with the Mexican theme for another day, why not, right? I was only just this minute able to check the damage that Brett Anderson caused those who started him yesterday, and for that, I give out a heartfelt apology. It was a questionable pick on a day when there wasn't much I liked, and I made it because I felt obligated, as stated. Hopefully you avoided him and we have better luck with Cook and/or Geer today -- I'm thinking so. Much more favorable peripherals, histories, and lines there. But today's picks have already been made, and I make my living here off of looking at tomorrow, not today. So let's take a look at tomorrow's slate of games. We've got every Major League team in action, as we will this entire week, so should be lots of potential (or not). Let's see who made the cut...

Jon Garland (R), ARI (13% Owned) vs Jake Peavy (R), SD

So a funny thing happened to me yesterday -- I realized I was using the % Owned for Yahoo! Plus Leagues, which is consequently higher than across standard leagues. So this entire time, I've been making it more difficult on myself, due to players such as Edwin Jackson (43% Owned Standard, 72% Owned Plus) not making my cut, but technically making 'the' cut. But fear not, for I am going to stick with the Yahoo! Plus percentages, because I think it provides a more accurate portrayal of players who may be available to you, which at the end of the day is what we're shooting for anyway. Yes, it's a nice little experiment to tally up and see how I do across various spans of time, but at the end of the day, I'm trying to provide quality opinion to help my fellow fantasy players. So from now on when you see the little bold, green text, that is the percentage of ownership in Yahoo! Plus leagues, where ownership will presumably be reasonably to considerably lower across all leagues. The sacrifices I make for you people... Really. So, tomorrow is two-for Tuesday, and as promised, I've got two more starters being poured into shot glasses, ready to be slugged down by fantasy teams galore. These babies are 100 Proof, on ice, and no salt or lime will be permitted. Leave the training wheels at home, kids. Bottoms up! ¿Que?

My team continues to be tread mediocrity, only to plunge into sucktitude when the going gets tough. Will Baltimore ever call up Matt Wieters? What is the date where they get the extra year? He better be called up the next - damn - day! No ifs, ands, or buts. Period.

After the tumultuous week that was Week 4, I'm glad that we're not only wiping the slate clean for Week 5, but that we've got a brand new month, just a few days in, to work with. Due to falling asleep on the couch watching Chad Billingsley handle the Padres, today's Spot * On is a bit delayed. Apologies. Let's get right to things. So, who ya got?

Brett Anderson, LHP, OAK, 14% Owned (vs Joe Saunders, LHP, LAA)

So we've fought and clawed our way back into mediocrity after the 10 Earned Run performance by Brian Tallet on Tuesday (if you couldn't tell, I'm far from over that), and we've got one day left this week to try and stop the bleeding. Manny Parra got us back on track yesterday, and I expect much of the same from Looper and Perkins today. But with time running short, and a lack of quality options tomorrow, I've settled on just one name, with several just missing the cut. The last thing I want to do is further damage when we've worked so hard to get back into things the past few days. So, who gets the nod to close out Week 4?

Dave Bush, RHP, MIL, 24% Owned (vs Yusmeiro Petit, RHP, ARI)

After taking last weekend off for various acts of debauchery in New Jersey, I owe you guys some rock solid weekend picks. Luckily for you, I think I've been able to pinpoint said rock solid picks. After Brian Tallet's travishamockery of a start earlier this week, I'm trying to get things back on track. Dallas Braden was the beginning yesterday. Today we keep the train steamrollin' the tracks with Manny Parra. So, who is next in our baby step process of restoring our ratios? Luckily for you, there's plenty of help to be had on Saturday. Read on and find out...

Braden Looper, RHP, MIL (vs Dan Haren, RHP, ARI)

Some of you doubted me. Admit it. You were beginning to. After Brian Tallet's 10 ER performance, you started to ponder if my first few weeks were nothing more than a run of luck. You don't have to admit it. I know you did, you know you did, we all know you did. But then I took a SP on the Road at Arlington Stadium today and all he did was hold the Rangers scoreless in 5 innings of work, striking out 6. 'Diamond' Dallas Braden is the real deal, folks; he's the goods. After today's start, his ERA is going to be sub-2.50, and while his WHIP is scraping 1.30 and change, the walks should dissipate as the season goes on, and you should be able to get a steal of a SP from the pitching factory that is Oakland. God I love being right. Let's see what I'm right about tomorrow...

Manny Parra, LHP, MIL (vs Jon Garland, LHP, ARI)

Well, my triumphant return wasn't too much to write home about, but with a K/9 of 9.00 and 1-for-2 on Quality Starts, I'm not going to complain too badly (see full lines below). I'm still in good shape for the rest of the week, with my two picks for today taking the bump shortly after 8 Eastern.

Tomorrow really scares me. With only 8 MLB games on the schedule, options are severely limited. So, who am I putting my reputation on the line for? Keep reading...

Dallas Braden, LHP, OAK (@ , TEX)

Just got home for the first time in 12 hours, I'm shot, cranky, and wish I was at the bar. That said, if Bush and De La Rosa pitch well today, I'll consider it breaking even. That seems reasonable, right? Right. Anyway, I've taken a look at tomorrow's slate of games, and here's where I currently stand...

Nick Blackburn, RHP, MIN (vs Scott Kazmir, LHP, TB)

Mama said there'd be days like this. If you're ever interested in a formula for completely destroying a pretty good week of spot starter picks, then please just refer to my picks for Friday, 4/24. A pinch of being on the Road, with a heavy dose of facing opponents' Aces, and don't forget a dash of inexperience. At the end of the day you should have a sour look on your face resembling that Mr. Yuk, from my childhood. See further below for a full start-by-start grid from Week 3, as I continue to humble myself and try and kick things off the right way tomorrow.

Anyway, as is obvious, I am back from a weekend of debauchery at the Tropicana in Atlantic City, where I was able to pull as much as $1,400 from the roulette table, only to kick about $400 back to the casino and blow the other half on... entertainment. The phrase, "make it rain" was being dropped in excess. Yeah. All in all I was able to pay for all my expenses over the entire weekend and come out about six bucks less than what I started with. Not a bad price to pay for the weekend I had. But let's get down to business, shall we? Is it bad that I'm terrified of blowups after what transpired at the end of last week?

With only three teams trailing by single digit games, The Mort Report, and to a lesser extend, Maineacs have emerged as the teams to beat in USA East 'B' thus far in 2009. Rhode Island Gulls suffered a devastating 1 - 10 - 1 thrashing at the hands of the aforementioned Maineacs, dropping from 2nd all the way down to 8th in the Standings, which, aside from being disheartening, reminds us that it's still April and we've got five months to get this all figured out. No commentary this week, just score recaps and updated standings.

Enjoy...

I've got some bad news. No, not Randy Wolf's inability to pull a Quality Start out last night against the Astros. No, not the Mets' inability to hit, pitch, or field well. People, this will be my last pick for the week. I know. I'll give you a brief moment to consider that, ponder the ramifications, and mourn the conclusion... Okay, done. I'll be at the Trop in Atlantic City for the weekend for a Bachelor Party, so you're on your own for the weekend of Week 3, I'm afraid. That means we'll be coming up a bit shorter than we have in the first two weeks, though not by much with what turned out being a 3 pick Tuesday (due to Wakefield's PPD). It's a long season. I've got a ton of picks still in the chamber, and a ton of time to unleash them, so there's no need to tip my hand this early in the game. All that said, Anthony Reyes pulled his weight, as expected, for me today, posting the Quality Start I promised you, despite not being able to earn the W. Regarding tomorrow - again there's an absolute ton of picks I like, and seeing as I have to make up some ground, I'm going with 4 selections again. Keep in mind, however, that two of them are likely owned in more competitive leagues or those with deeper benches or keeper formats, but two are excessively deep and available in nearly all leagues, so I think that provides some balance and justifies the sheer quantity of picks. That's the story I'm stickin' with, at least...

Doug Davis, LHP, ARI (vs Tim Lincecum, RHP, SF)